this was a fusion from the top 10 or so google hits on "vegetarian chili
recipe".  it was pretty thoroughly enjoyed even by nonvegetarians.  it
is a bit spicy.  not sweat-inducing, but maybe not grandma-safe.  as with
all of my recipes, almost everything is optional, so if you hate garlic
or something just leave something out and it will still probably be pretty
good.

1-2 pounds of "fake meat", i used Quorn brand crumbles and Smart Ground
crumbles at about 1.5 pounds total, thawed.  frozen shouldn't be a problem
if you follow the recipe.  real meat would probably taste good too.

sautee "meat" in about 4-6 tablespoons of butter (or oil, which makes this
recipe vegan) depending on amount of "meat".  you could skip this if you're
on a diet, but you should warm and further brown the "meat" somehow.  set aside.

drop about 3/4 cup of wine into a huge pot and warm.  add a head of garlic
(pressed or minced or something), a grated large-ish carrot, 2 chopped
onions, a chopped bell pepper of your favorite color, a couple of chopped
stalks of celery, and 2 minced habaneros into the wine.  stir until
everything mixes together.  heat it low and slow for about 10 minutes,
stirring a bit.  the habaneros are what make the tip-of-tongue-and-lips
spiciness you'll experience later.

then the "meat" from above & add 2 cans of drained (if possible) beans
of your choosing.  i prefer black and pinto, but you could do kidney or
lentils or whatever.  they're kinda just filler anyhow.  they'll taste
like chili when it's done.  also at this time add ~32oz of chopped tomatos
(2 cans), a couple of tablespoons each of cumin, ancho chile powder, and
chipotle chili powder.  these chile powders are what make back-of-the-throat
spiciness you'll feel later.  oh, also add a little salt (a tsp or so) and
some curry powder, probably 1-2tbsp.  corn if you want it would be a good
addition now as well.

stir it up thoroughly and add a little water (i needed about 4oz) to make
sure that it can boil in a way you can see, heat it to a boil, and then
simmer for awhile.  if you keep it lidded you can simmer for around
an hour and a half with no loss of bean-wholeness, and the flavor is
thoroughly distributed.  then again, it tasted pretty good after 20 minutes.

add red savina (http://www.redsavina.com) if you are trying to win a
chili cook off =)

some lessons learned from cooking this recipe multiplied by 5:  you don't
need 5x as many habaneros and 5x as much garlic.  also, it took about 4.5
hours to cook that much and filled a 5 gallon pot.